Re-Visioning...
Welcome to the Journey of your life!
Barefoot in the slush, I walked in the New Hampshire Spring
mud of 1994. With 30 other seeking souls, we walked in circles in the brisk March afternoon sun. I was nearing the end of
a nine-month re-visioning of my life and for perhaps the first time since 1949 it seemed I was beginning to glimpse who
I might be. On an inner plane, I was recognizing myself as a seeker, a spiritual being having a human experience;
or perhaps I was becoming a consciously evolving human? Certainly, that was, and still is, a matter of perception.
What I knew, as a matter of fact, in that moment, was that I did not feel alone. That perhaps, I would never
feel alone again. That the everpresent separateness I had felt most of my life was diminishing. I had begun to
recognize that the sense of aloneness that I had carried with me for most of my life was a reflection of my disconnection,
not from those around me, but from myself. The abandonment was mine, not theirs. But, in an effort to come to terms with the
harshness I had perceived around me, I had isolated, withdrawn and built walls of protection around myself, mentally
& physically. The more I retreated, the less connected I was to my family, to my life. The further away I went, the
harder they tried to get my attention, the louder, harsher, more insistent the universe was (it seemed). Come back! Be here...
be present. My body was full of pain, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, it was a struggle to think, to function, to accomplish.
And yet... I'd had no idea until then, that a simple change in my perception would shift it all.
This was the turning point, (pun intended) my attention began to shift from
what wasn't to what was... it would take longer than I realized... to transform my illusions, to begin to
acknowledge that each time I revisited my trials without recognizing their value, I unwittingly reinforced their impact
on me. And, as I set foot on the path to understanding and awareness again and again with only the thought of getting
rid of what was painful, of 'fixing' what was broken, without considering the possiblity of transformation or resolution
the challenges became greater. And, as my acceptance of the gifts of all the experience gradually came forward,
I moved from resistance and pain and suffering into gratitude, harmony and peace.
It is a daily practice... being on this planet,
being home again, in this physical time and space... and requires (of me, at least, for that is really all I can speak about)
an awakening each day to the gifts of this earth walk, to gratitude, to focus and intention. And the ability to appreciate
those days when I do not, to honor & accept my humanness as simply 'one more potential gift for growth and learning.'
That is my mantra many times: 'thanks for the opportunity for growth and learning'... it often plays almost automatically
now... in place of the old reactions, the rants, rages, whines and cries of the victim child, woman, disconnected adult.
